Recently I have been working on some custody/visitation cases that have similar fact patterns. Biological mother (M) was dating biological father (F). F gets M pregnant and they decide to have the child. Before getting married, F decides to leave M and the child, either before the child is born or shortly thereafter. M moves on and finds a new boyfriend (BF) who then becomes model dad and super boyfriend. In the meantime F becomes a suspect fellow and comes in and out of M and Child’s lives, usually creating a few dramatic episodes which may have lead to altercations between F and BF. Now that Child is a toddler, F wants visitation rights.
More likely than not, M and BF walk into a lawyer’s office with the papers asking for a custody/visitation hearing that BF served on M. M and BF have had enough of F’s antics and want to get him out of their lives. Here’s where the lawyer attempts to explain all the things that M and BF did not want to hear, let alone pay someone to hear.
Assuming F is in fact the biological father, he’s not going anywhere. Courts are very reluctant to prohibit a biological parent from regular, continuous contact with his or her child. Unless there is a history or allegations of sexual abuse, domestic violence, or general risk to the child’s well-being, courts believe a child is best raised with contact with both biological parents.
“But, you don’t understand Mr. Lawyer… F is a real a-hole, he’s never been around for Child, and Child isn’t happy whenever he visits.” Sorry, without more showing that child is in danger, the court may elect to award F visitation, or in the least, supervised visitation. F will likely be awarded some kind of visitation.
“But, you don’t understand Mr. Lawyer… F threatened to take child away from us and he’s only out to make our lives a nightmare. We have 34 friends who are willing to testify to the same.” Same deal. No dice. Guess what, F will have 35 friends saying how much he loves his child and M and BF won’t let him see her.
What’s the solution, then?
Most counties provide for mediation before any custody or visitation hearing. My recommendation is usually to work out a visitation plan that is comfortable for M and BF and that F will agree to. Instead of going into the mediation with “F U” printed on your shirt, go into it accepting the fact that F will have some sort of visitation. Remember, the courts are not interested in differences, petty or not, between the parents. The courts are ONLY interested in the best interest of the child. Going into the proceedings with the intention of showing how terrible of a parent F is may backfire and come off as M and BF preventing F access to his child. By agreeing to a schedule, it will be apparent to the court how responsible F is by whether or not he sticks to the schedule. Plus, M and BF will gain favor with the court for cooperating and being mature. If F is as big of an a-hole as M and BF make him out to be, he will likely fail at upholding the schedule anyway. That’s when the best interest of the child are not being honored and the court will surely see this.
This is all under the assumption that F is the biological father. If there is ANY chance he is not, then a parentage determination may be requested to prove that F is in fact the biological father. If he is not, then and only then do M and BF have a good chance of “getting rid of” F.
