Marriage: You Either Are Or You Aren't
You’re either married or you aren't. There’s no in between. California does not recognize what some may call “common law” marriage. There’s no magic number of months or years before a romantic relationship transforms miraculously into a marriage.
For the “it’s just a piece of paper, our love is what’s important” crowd, we’re here to tell you that marriage is much more than that. Among other things, marriage confers rights upon someone you are not blood related to. Rights that are often unique to a spouse. In other words, if you’re unmarried–meaning you do not have a marriage license from a government agency–then the law views your partner as a friend that you really, really like.
From an estate planning perspective, a spouse is a family member. They get default rights against a deceased spouse’s estate. They receive major tax benefits from local, state, and federal taxing authorities. The law is very protective over surviving spouses. Not so much over long term unmarried partners, or even “we’re pretty much married” people. Those are all roommates under the law, and they get no special benefits.
What about domestic partners? Surely, that’s a special designation, right? Domestic partnerships are only recognized by some state and local governments. The federal government has no recognition for domestic partnerships. To the federal government, you’re either married or unmarried.
But some people have children together and never get married. That’s an exception, right? Nope. You certainly share very important responsibilities with one another, but you’re still not married spouses under the law. End of story.
Marriage is much more than some mere formality. It’s a very important legal union between two people.
That all being said, marriage is not for everyone. And that’s totally fine! However, if you do decide to not marry–for WHATEVER reason–then it is extremely critical that you create an estate plan, and specifically provide for any unmarried loved ones that you want to care for. And also to name your unmarried partner as someone who may have legal authority to assist you, and vice versa. Without reducing your wishes to writing, your unmarried partner will receive no special treatment by default, nor will they have legal authority to assist you if that scenario arises.
Whether you are married, but especially if you are not, it is critical to have your wishes reduced to writing so that the appropriate people (and pets) are cared for and that the right people have the appropriate legal authority to act when necessary.