Talking About Estate Planning During the Holidays: A Gift That Lasts a Lifetime

The holidays are a time for family, celebration, and connection. While it may not be the most festive topic, discussing estate planning during this time can be one of the most meaningful conversations you have. Ensuring everyone in the family has a plan in place can bring peace of mind and strengthen your legacy.

Here’s how to approach these conversations with care and why it’s important.

Why the Holidays Are the Right Time

Holidays bring family together, often in a relaxed and open environment. This creates a unique opportunity to have important discussions face-to-face. Whether you’re talking to aging parents about their estate plans or encouraging adult children to start their own, now is the time to share thoughts, ask questions, and make plans.

Best Practices for Bringing It Up

Starting the conversation about estate planning can feel awkward, but a thoughtful approach can ease the tension.

1. Choose the Right Moment
   Avoid bringing up the topic during a busy or stressful part of the holiday. Instead, find a quiet time, like after dinner or during a family walk, to gently introduce the subject.

   Example: “I’ve been working on updating my own estate plan, and it made me realize how important it is for all of us to have one. I thought it might be a good time to talk about this as a family.”

2. Keep the Tone Positive
   Frame the discussion as a way to protect the family and honor their wishes, rather than focusing on the negatives of “what happens when…”

   Example: “Making sure everything is organized now can really help avoid stress later. It’s about making things easier for the people we care about.”

3. Start with Your Own Plan
   Sharing what you’ve done with your own estate plan can make others feel more comfortable and inspired to take action.

   Example: “We recently created a living trust to make sure everything is straightforward for our kids. It’s been a relief to know it’s taken care of.”

Suggestions for the Discussion

• For Parents:
  Ask if they’ve reviewed their estate plan recently. If they don’t have one, encourage them to meet with an attorney to create a will or trust.

  Tip: Offer to help them gather important documents or schedule a consultation.

• For Adult Children:
  Emphasize that estate planning isn’t just for older adults. A basic plan, including a will, powers of attorney, and healthcare directives, is essential for anyone with assets or dependents.

  Tip: Share how your estate plan protects your family and invite them to think about doing the same.

• For Siblings or Relatives:
  Discuss practical matters like who might serve as executor, guardian, or trustee and confirm everyone is on the same page.

Why This Matters

Without an estate plan, families often face confusion, stress, and financial strain during already difficult times. By encouraging your loved ones to take action now, you can protect their legacy and foster open communication that strengthens family bonds.

Let Us Help You Take the Next Step

Ready to get started? Whether you or your relatives need to create a plan or update an existing one, we’re here to guide you. Contact us today to schedule a consultation and give your family the gift of peace of mind this holiday season.

The Family Meeting: How to Share Your Estate Plans with Loved Ones this Holiday Season

The holiday season can be an ideal time to discuss your estate plans with family. By openly sharing your intentions, you help reduce future conflicts and build trust. Here’s a step-by-step guide to organizing a productive family meeting to share your estate plans.

1. Schedule a Convenient Time
Find a time when everyone is comfortable and relaxed, like after a family meal or during a planned gathering. This helps ensure that family members are more receptive and willing to listen.

2. Outline Key Points
Decide in advance what to cover. Key topics might include your wishes for health care decisions, asset distribution, and any specifics about powers of attorney. Sharing high-level decisions can reassure family members without diving into every detail.

3. Encourage Questions and Feedback
Invite your loved ones to ask questions and share any concerns. Their feedback can sometimes help you identify overlooked aspects or clarify decisions. Additionally, a dialogue ensures everyone feels heard, strengthening family trust.

4. Document the Meeting
You might consider recording the meeting’s main points in writing. This not only helps clarify your intentions but also creates a reference that family members can review later.

Having a family meeting is a thoughtful step toward building understanding. It brings peace of mind and demonstrates your commitment to family unity.

Going Home for the Holidays? Key Estate Planning Conversations to Have with Family

The holiday season often brings families together, making it a perfect time to start crucial conversations about estate planning. While these discussions may feel sensitive, they provide a great opportunity to clarify wishes and make decisions that benefit the entire family. Here’s how to bring up estate planning during your holiday gatherings.

1. Approach the Topic Gently
No one wants to feel ambushed over a holiday dinner. Start with a general question, like, “Have you ever thought about your estate plan?” or “Do you have any specific wishes for your future?” This can open the door for a more in-depth conversation.

2. Share Your Own Planning Process
One way to ease the conversation is by sharing your estate planning experiences. This helps normalize the discussion and encourages family members to think about their own plans. Emphasize the value of being prepared, not only for themselves but also for those they care about.

3. Discuss Key Decisions
Estate planning involves critical decisions, like nominating decision-makers and determining healthcare and other preferences. Consider discussing these topics without getting into too many specifics. This lets you focus on the importance of decision-making without pushing family members to disclose sensitive information.

4. Set Future Goals
If the conversation feels productive, suggest setting a family meeting or follow-up in the future. That way, no one feels pressured to finalize details immediately. Families can then agree to revisit the topic in a more formal setting, perhaps even with a legal professional present.

A well-timed conversation can lead to better planning, greater peace of mind, and a stronger family bond—all of which are valuable gifts for the holiday season.

The Importance of Discussing Estate Planning with Your Parents

Anticipating an inheritance from your parents is a situation filled with a mix of emotions and responsibilities. While it may be a sensitive topic, discussing estate planning with your parents is crucial for several reasons. Proper estate planning can help avoid future conflicts, prevent inadvertent probate administration, and minimize adverse tax consequences.

Why Discuss Estate Planning with Your Parents?

1. Clarity of Wishes: Understanding your parents’ wishes ensures that their intentions are honored. An open conversation about their estate plan can clarify how they want their assets distributed, which can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts among heirs.

2. Avoiding Probate: Probate can be a lengthy and costly process. If your parents have an up-to-date estate plan, including a living trust, they can help ensure their assets are transferred without the need for probate, saving time and money.

3. Minimizing Tax Consequences: Estate planning can help in structuring the inheritance in a tax-efficient manner. Proper planning might include setting up trusts or making gifts during their lifetime, which can reduce the taxable estate, properly plan for state and local taxes, and potentially lower the tax burden on the heirs.

4. Protecting Family Harmony: Estate disputes can tear families apart. By discussing and documenting their wishes clearly, your parents can help prevent future disputes among siblings and other relatives. A well-communicated plan fosters transparency and trust.

5. Preparedness for Incapacity: Estate planning isn’t just about what happens after someone passes away. It also involves planning for situations where your parents might become incapacitated. Having powers of attorney and healthcare directives in place ensures that their preferences are followed and reduces the burden on family members.

How to Initiate the Conversation

1. Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a comfortable and private setting to discuss estate planning. Avoid bringing it up during stressful times or family gatherings where distractions are likely.

2. Express Your Concerns with Sensitivity: Approach the topic with empathy. You might start by expressing your own need to understand their wishes to ensure that you can carry out their desires faithfully.

3. Share Stories or Articles: Sometimes, discussing a third-party story about estate planning can make it easier to bring up the topic. You can share an article or a story about someone who faced difficulties due to a lack of planning.

4. Offer to Help: Offer to assist them in finding a reputable estate planning attorney if they haven’t already started the process. Your involvement can demonstrate your support and make the process less daunting for them.

5. Discuss Specific Scenarios: Bringing up specific scenarios, such as the importance of having a will or the potential benefits of a trust, can make the conversation more concrete and relevant.

6. Reassure Them: Let your parents know that your intention is to ensure their wishes are honored and that you’re not interested in their money. This can alleviate any suspicion or discomfort they might feel about discussing their finances.

Steps to Take After the Conversation

1. Review Existing Documents: If your parents already have an estate plan, review the documents with them to ensure they are up to date and reflect their current wishes.

2. Update Beneficiary Designations: Ensure that all beneficiary designations on accounts such as life insurance policies, retirement accounts, and other financial assets are current.

3. Organize Important Documents: Help your parents organize and store their estate planning documents in a safe and accessible place. Make sure that key family members know where these documents are located.

4. Regular Updates: Encourage your parents to review and update their estate plan regularly, especially after major life events such as births, deaths, marriages, or divorces.

Discussing estate planning with your parents might be challenging, but it is a necessary step to ensure that their wishes are respected, family harmony is maintained, and potential legal and financial issues are minimized. By approaching the conversation with sensitivity and preparedness, you can help create a smoother transition for your family in the future. Remember, the goal is to honor your parents’ legacy by ensuring their plans are carried out as they desire.

Estate Planning: Bringing Clarity to Modern Family Structures

In today’s diverse social landscape, the definition of family has expanded beyond traditional boundaries to include adopted children, stepchildren, and children conceived through surrogacy or other fertility assistance technologies. These changes present unique challenges and considerations in estate planning.

Embracing All Members of the Family

Estate planning is essential for every family, but it becomes particularly critical in non-traditional family structures where legal ties might not be as clear-cut. Without a proper estate plan, state laws might not reflect the wishes of the individual or recognize the entirety of a family's structure, potentially leading to unintended consequences.

Adopted Children and Stepchildren: Legally, adopted children are treated the same as biological children under the law when it comes to inheritance rights. However, stepchildren are not automatically considered heirs unless legally adopted. This can lead to painful disputes or unintended disinheritance. A will or trust that specifies the inclusion of stepchildren can prevent potential oversights and ensure they are cared for.

Children Conceived Through Surrogacy or Fertility Assistance: Families formed through surrogacy agreements or assisted reproductive technologies (ART) also face unique challenges. Depending on the state, the law may not automatically recognize the intended parents as the legal parents. Estate plans for such families should explicitly name these children as beneficiaries to ensure they receive the intended inheritance without legal challenges.

Case Studies Highlighting the Need for Thorough Planning

The Case of Stepchildren: Consider a blended family where one spouse has children from a previous relationship. Without an explicit mention in the will, those stepchildren might not receive any inheritance if their stepparent dies, especially if the assets are bound by default legal distribution rules favoring biological relatives.

Surrogacy Arrangements: In a scenario where a child is born through a surrogate, the intended parents must ensure that their legal parentage is established in all relevant legal documents. If the estate plan does not clearly include provisions for the child, they might face hurdles in inheriting assets, particularly in jurisdictions where surrogacy laws are complex or non-inclusive.

Best Practices for Estate Planning in Modern Families

1. Explicit Inclusions: Clearly name all children—whether biological, adopted, step, or conceived through ART—in your estate plans. This eliminates ambiguity and ensures that each child’s right to inherit is protected.

2. Regular Updates: Life changes such as divorce, remarriage, or the birth of new children should prompt a review and, if necessary, a revision of your estate documents to reflect new family dynamics.

3. Legal Guidance: Engaging with a legal professional who specializes in estate planning and is familiar with the laws surrounding ART, surrogacy, and adoption is crucial. They can provide tailored advice that considers all legal ramifications and ensures that your estate plan aligns with your family’s needs.

4. Consider Trusts: Trusts can be particularly useful in complex family situations. They allow greater control over assets and can stipulate conditions or timelines for distribution, which can be essential in managing future uncertainties in family structures.

In the age of modern families, estate planning serves as more than just a financial tool; it is a means to acknowledge and protect every family member's place. By carefully considering the unique aspects of your family and planning accordingly, you can ensure that your legacy supports and recognizes all your loved ones. In this way, estate planning not only secures financial stability but also affirms the bonds that define what family means to you.

Everyone Needs an Estate Plan

Everyone needs an estate plan. If you’re reading this, you’re probably aware that you–and if you’re married, your spouse–need an estate plan. But there are other people in your orbit who need an estate plan: your young adult children. Your children over the age of 18 need an estate plan, too. Yes, even the ones who still live at home, and the ones who you claim as a dependent. Or are away at college. Especially the ones who are away at college.

Anyone over the age of 18 is a legal adult. The law does not care whether that person is gainfully employed or playing video games until 3am. Reaching 18 years of age is an arbitrary measurement, and when it’s achieved, congratulations! You’re an adult! What comes with adulthood is the ability to make your own legally binding decisions… and to prohibit others from making decisions for you. Even if those “other people” are paying your bills, claiming you as a dependent, or housing you.

Consider your typical college-aged child. They are likely over the age of 18, or very close to it. They likely do not have much life experience, and base decisions on the nearterm. They may be impressionable, or easily persuaded. Or maybe they’re just a knucklehead. If, as a result of a misguided decision, they were to become incapacitated (think: hospitalized, detained by law enforcement, involved in a crisis, etc.), no one can make decisions for them without a properly executed estate plan–e.g., will, durable power of attorney, healthcare directive. Not even their parents! You see, they’re adults. Any institutions your adult child interacts with will only want to speak to your child. University administration, banks, authorities, doctors, school officials, etc., won’t listen to anyone but your adult child. They are legally prohibited from listening to third parties, even the parents of an adult.

A young adult crisis can appear anywhere. It could be a party gone wrong. It could be from spending time with that one friend of theirs that they just can’t seem to get enough of. Maybe it was a date or hangout gone wrong. If you, as a parent, want the ability to make decisions on behalf of your adult child, they must execute estate planning documents giving you that authority. Otherwise, you are at the mercy of the local court process. And if your child is away at college, that court process might be very foreign to you, operating under laws you aren’t familiar with.

Maybe your child is in a crisis because someone injured them. With a properly executed estate plan, your child could authorize you to file a lawsuit against the perpetrator on their behalf, speak to school administrators on their behalf, speak to the government on their behalf.

It doesn’t matter that your adult child doesn't “own much”. Or that they aren’t employed, or that they live at home, or live in a dorm and come home often. None of those things matter if your child is over the age of 18, and you want the ability to make decisions on their behalf in a crisis. Everyone needs an estate plan.

Estate Planning is Not for You

It’s for them—your loved ones, for those you care about.

When you are either deceased or incapacitated you obviously won’t be available to participate in the execution of your estate plan. Your estate plan is all that remains to assist in caring or providing for your loved ones or causes that you care about.

To that end, the most important aspect of an estate plan is the personal information and guidance that you provide to those who step in to execute your plan. Without that information and guidance, it could be a wild goose chase trying to piece together all the loose ends surrounding your life. The more loose ends, the more time and effort will be required to carry out your wishes.

Do your trusted agents have access to your passwords and credentials?

Our lives no longer consist solely of tangible assets. Sure, for most of us our homes are our most valuable assets. But more and more, our lives are becoming more digital and intangible–online financial accounts, cloud storage, digital photographs, social media accounts, cryptocurrency, etc. To access these digital assets, your trusted agents will need your passwords. Without them, federal privacy laws require a court order to access them. Your trusted agents require adequate time and evidence to obtain a court order. If it takes your agents too long to obtain the order, or if they lack the requisite evidence to persuade a judge to issue an order, the digital accounts may be terminated, blocked, and in some cases deleted. Even providing the PIN to your mobile device could save your agents time, expense, and a lot of expended energy.

Do your trusted agents have clear guidance on your wishes?

An estate plan allows you to document your wishes–how to handle your financial affairs, how to provide for your loved ones. But it’s only as good and thorough as the information you provide. Be sure to keep current documentation of your assets, your debts, and any specific instructions. A great place to keep this information is in your estate planning binder containing your legal documents.

Is your list of trusted agents current?

Our lives are ever changing. And so are the relationships we have with our loved ones. It’s critical that you revisit your estate planning documents to confirm that you have the most current list of trusted agents to step in when a crisis arises.

A current, detailed estate plan will allow your loved ones to step in and execute your wishes in that time of crisis. Chances are that you will be unavailable to provide any guidance or assistance when that time comes. Be sure the appropriate information is readily available for your trusted agents to minimize delays and confusion.

How to Disinherit a Family Member

Sometimes there may be a family member who you want to make sure does not receive anything from your trust or estate. Perhaps they have enough financial support that they do not need more or perhaps there is a personal rift. 

It’s important to know that there are certain people who you cannot disinherit by omitting them from your estate planning documents: a spouse and a minor child. There is a presumption in California that you intend to provide for a spouse and for minor children; therefore, leaving them out of your documents is not sufficient. For spouses, minor children, and (really) everyone else, there are steps you can take to make sure that your wishes to exclude someone are legally binding and not subject to litigation. 

What does it mean to disinherit? 

Disinheriting means affirmatively excluding relatives from becoming heirs or beneficiaries of your trust or estate. For example, if someone has an estranged parent or child, they may want to disinherit that person. 

No one is entitled to receive something from you after you die. However, in certain circumstances, spouses and children are presumed to have been intended beneficiaries. If you die without any estate planning documents OR all your named beneficiaries have predeceased you, then your assets could go to your closest living relatives. (Your closest living relatives are determined by state law and the list starts with your children, then your parents, then your siblings, then your nieces and nephews, then aunts and uncles, then cousins, etc.) 

How do I disinherit? 

If there is a close family member who is potentially entitled to receive something (a parent, child, sibling), then it is important that the person is explicitly named and acknowledged, and that the person was intentionally excluded as a beneficiary. 

What about a token gift? 

If you provide a token gift (e.g. $1) then that person becomes a beneficiary. Beneficiaries are afforded rights of notice and due process, regardless of the size of their gift. By learning that they received merely a token gift, they may feel emboldened to file a law suit. Even if their claim ultimately lacks merit, your trustees may feel compelled to settle the suit, since it is often cheaper to settle than to prove the claim lacks merit. If your intention is to EXCLUDE someone, then you probably don’t want them on that list of beneficiaries. 

What about a bigger gift? 

Sometimes, the best way to “get rid” of potential litigation is to give someone enough that it’s not worth their time to file a lawsuit to try to get more. If you give someone $1, it’s easy to say that they have nothing to lose in filing a suit. If you give someone $1000, it may not be worth it to them. 

What about “no contest” clauses? 

A no contest clause is a part of a will or trust that says that anyone who contests the document, and fails, won’t receive anything. In California, courts are reticent to lock potential viable claims out of court. So no contest clauses only practically come into play for claims with zero merit on its face. The economics of litigation often result in out of court settlements, even when a claim lacks merit. Although no contest clauses are considered best practices, you do not want to rely on such a clause to prevent future will or trust contests.  

So what should you do if you want to leave someone out? 

If you decide to disinherit a family member, call us to discuss options for how best to proceed.